When you have kids, I am going to stand outside your house laughing

I HAVE had occasion over the last couple of years when friends have contradicted my parenting in front of the Young Wan to say that when they have their children I am going to wait outside their homes in years to come; when I hear kiddie-tantrums I am going to shout through their letter boxes 'go on child, give them hell' before manically laughing and leaving with a parting shot of 'heh heh'.

I had one of those the other day.

Tetra is a demon for it. She constantly sides with the Young Wan because, well I don't know, I think she loves giving out to me. When I check things regarding the Young Wan Tetra will pipe up 'ACH leave her alone'.

Sure the Young Wan is delighted. She has an ally, someone stand up for her in front of me all the time, not to mention all the fabulous clothes she donates to her. I end up being demonised as the grump in the corner.

Well it all went a bit pear-shaped for them both the other night.

The Young Wan and I decided to go over to Tetra's on Sunday, cook her dinner and relax for the day. After all she has her arms full with her beautiful baby and Daddy was gone for the day watching some sport somewhere.

So after spending an hour or two in work while the Young Wan walked around uninhibited by her Mum in Stephen's Green, we went over to Tetra's.

I cooked and asked the Young Wan to do the dishes afterwards, nothing too demanding. Then Tetra asked me where her birthday card was, I had forgotten during the week.

Dammit, I got her a card and forgot to sign it. She didn't believe me. So over the next while I got up, took the card I had bought and signed it.

Then I called the Young Wan and said 'would you clear this up here?' while making nudge nudge wink wink movements with my eyes.

Tetra, who had her back to me, piped in immediately 'ach ginger leave her be, she's fine, leave it, I'll do it tomorrow'.

The Young Wan was half up then half down following Tetra's statement before saying all frustrated and hassled 'What'.

This went on and on, too long.

I asked Tetra to give over and told the Young Wan 'Madam just do what I am asking you to'.

The frustration of this built up because everytime I tried to make eyes at the Young Wan while saying 'would you just...' Tetra went 'ACH' and the Young Wan was throwing her best teen-anxst parent-nagging shapes, I was also getting more annoyed and louder.

Eventually I went 'Young Wan WOULD YOU JUST COME AND SIGN TETRA'S BIRTHDAY CARD PLEASE'. They both went sheepishly 'oh', Tetra turned back to the telly and the Young Wan came up and signed the card.

You know what I am not trying to be a pain in the arse all the time, believe it or believe it not. Sometimes when I ask for something to be done it is because it is a good idea and there is a method in my madness.

On the other hand Young Wan just do what you are bloody told, no questions, no answering back, just bloody do it.

And to the non-parent friends of people with children, it is not big or clever to contradict their parenting in front of the kids. The worst thing is most of the time this happens people are messing about. You cannot do that with children. You cannot undermine a parent. If you genuinely feel they are being hard or whatever on the kids, wait until the children are out of earshot before saying so.

But in fairness Tetra just enjoys the sport of contradicting me, apparently we are a double-act and bicker (though that is too hard a word) and mess each other about all the time. We are probably (or so I am told) very alike personality wise, so while we click in so many ways we also clash. And on the whole I wouldn't have it any other way.

Can you imagine the fun I am going to have when this gorgeous girl grows up. *Cue Red Mum practising her best 'Heh Heh'*


Tetra's beautiful arrival

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