Where do you get your support?

ONE of the hardest things about being a single parent is the fact that you have no one to turn to for support.

Yes single parents have family and friends and oh god yes without them things at times would be completely and utterly grim and black, but I mean the support of a partner.

And the need for this intensifies over time.

I remember just after the Young Wan’s father and I split up someone said to me about how hard it would be not having her father about to share stuff, like her first steps and all those important milestones.

They were making the point that other people couldn’t share in their joy that parents would have.

Now I disagree with that purely concerning I suppose the positive aspects of parenting.

When the Young Wan reached those milestones those who were around me and who I lived with loved them and felt those huge moments.

But as they get older, particularly the teenage years, the milestones turn more negative, sometimes and for some parents or maybe some parents some of the time.

Then something happens, some new aspect of behaviour and occasionally as a parent you feel like your life is falling apart at the seams and there is no one to really turn to.

And again friends are worth their weight in gold but sometimes despite advice or a listening ear or just sounds of comfort while important do not take away that feeling of ‘what is happening here?’.

Most of my friends have young babies and are what I am sure feels like a lifetime away from teenage monster stage I am at so while the phrases ‘it’s only a phase’ or ‘what were you doing at that age’ or ‘ach don’t worry’ strike a chord they do not ease me at all.

Besides don't they have their own worries without me offloading everytime I need to.

Maybe it’s a recent groundless belief of mine that having a partner means you can share your worries with the person who maybe could make it easier.

I just feel that coming home to someone and saying ‘can you believe what they have been up to’.

They can say ‘ach sure...’ discuss it with you calmly, you can both give out yards to the offending teen, dish out a punishment and then you could both have a laugh over a cuddle later in bed, having tackled it together.

So after years of not agreeing with the commentator about not having the Young Wan’s father about to share things with, I am not maybe feeling the implications of it now like never before.

And maybe being a mummy I am just a worry-monster. I was already a worrier before I had the Young Wan and now well I could win Olympic medals for worrying.

Maybe I am just idealising it all, but for many couples this support is a given. And that’s one major set back against single parents.

I can even wonder if the thought of life with a teen who is not yours is too much hard work, stress, worry or conflict for a potential partner.

The lovely man is wonderful, calm and supportive, his calmness is quite the polar opposite to me, and at times I think what on earth does he make of this?

He thinks she is just the business, an absolute star whatever has been going on which is very much how it should be, but at times the things that have been going on must have made him want to run for the hills. For f*cks sake I have wanted to run for the hills but being the responsible adult running is not an option.

All this has inspired by events tonight which right now I would care to forget, maybe soon I can laugh about it and post it here. Right now that’s just not an option not with my worrying mind.

But I suppose the bottom line is I am sitting here mangled in my own thoughts and worrying for Ireland. If gold is the highest Olympic medal I am going for platinum.

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